Debra Hay: Worthlessness to Greatness

TRANSCRIPT

0:00
Hi guys. So, yes, I’m in the trench training. Um, honestly, like I prayed about tonight, and I was gonna do something a bit casual, but God like really pressed me and really stretched me to be super vulnerable. So I’m gonna come on to you like a homie because we are, and I’m gonna come at you like a friend because we are and I’m gonna come on to you like a classmate and appear because we are. And I’m saying I’m coming at you because I believe that there’s things that we believe about ourselves. That’s not true. But we walk around like it is true. We wear our trash where our baggage like this is me This is who I am deal with it, but it’s not. In so I’m gonna go into what my Oh, hi. We’re gonna be talking about greatness, verse. worthlessness. I looked up in the dictionary, greatness, net greatness, okay, greatness. And I realized, like, what is the opposite of that, because I definitely don’t feel great. And it was worthlessness when like, that I do feel that I can resonate with. And so I just want to speak on them. And so the main verse that kind of prompted this message is second Timothy, one nine. In Second Timothy one nine, says, I can’t read it over there. He has saved us and called us to a holy calling, not because of anything we have done, but because of his own purpose, and grace. This Grace was given to us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time. And so I feel like I put a lot of pressure on myself, to be somebody and to have worth, but it’s nothing in what I do in Tama speak on that, that it’s only because God has a purpose for me. And in that person, purpose, he has grace in his grace is sufficient. That means it’s able to cover all my garbage and everything that I own. And so I’m kind of going to share a little bit I know I shared a little bit last semester about my story, I was actually raised in church is the best decision my parents did for me as a child. And I was able to know who God was at a younger age, but to really have a relationship that was kind of wonky. I saw God as a being that I could never meet, that had expectations of myself, that I could never hold up to. And so I would always try to prove myself to God. And as soon as soon as I would, would sin or, you know, steal cookie, when I knew I shouldn’t miss Phil that cookie or punch my brother, when I knew I shouldn’t have punched him. I would go back running to God and be like, Oh my gosh, please forgive me. I’m just awful, horrible person. And repeat, and repeat, and repeat. And there came a moment when I was in my room. And I just had this moment with God, and we’re singing the song, Here I am to worship. And I’m like, God, in all my days for the rest of my life, I just want to worship You, whatever that looks like. And so in that moment, this began to tear off, see if I can do them in truth began to open up to my life. And as that truth began to open up, I was able to be like, oh, okay, I can see you guys. I can see where you’re coming from. Because I’m not known by what I do. And you save me anyways. But this is comfortable. So I’m keeping on, okay. And I’m going to tell a little story about kind of how my childhood was with my father. I have a biological mom, a biological dad, who I call dad, and a stepdad, my dad. I can’t remember a time that he actually lived with us. Um, but through my younger ages, I’m talking like real young, like below eight years old, right? He would come over we go on bike rides. He bought us a taco every once in a while. And that was our relationship. Every time I see him. I be like, This is fun. Okay, what’s our next adventure? Let’s get away from mom because she’s crazy. You’re gonna mean like, and so that was my out was my dad.

4:54
And I came to this realization That I don’t need validation from an art can’t receive validation from anybody here on Earth, especially not my dad. So instead god, I’m gonna try to run to you until I was I was running into God, and I was seeking Him and everything in worship. You know, back then when I was young, I’m like, let me just memorize my verses. So I can pass these tests because I was in a mission net program, whatnot. But my relationship with my dad still stayed Rocky. And there came another moment, where God just spoke truth into that. He’s like, never, I love you, I care about you until this began to tear off. And I had a moment to where I was saved. I said, God, please come into this heart, because I can’t do this anymore. And He cleansed me of my sins. And that was gone. My sins are no more because I knew that I can go to my Heavenly Father, and he’ll be able to come for me, he would give me everything that I needed. shocker. Still trash bag on me. And this is what I struggle with today is that I’m clean. I know God will forgive me in my sin. But

6:22
what you guys don’t know is that I’m worthless. And because I’m worthless, I don’t deserve to be up here. And I don’t deserve to be talking to you. Because I have things in my life in my past. And what I struggle with, is shameful. And because of my shame, I don’t deserve God. And I don’t deserve His grace. There’s moments in my life where I don’t pick up this anymore, this is completely gone. But this still stays. This is stuck with me. Because this is what I feel is what I think. And so as I was studying for this house, as I was preparing for this, I’m like, God just opened my eyes to my own identity. And please refresh me in these. And so that’s what I’m going to go through today. See,

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we’re given worth by what God says about us. JOHN, can you go to my next stage? page? Yeah. So this is our price. Well, I put my price. My price tag I would put as my sin as my shame as what I’ve done in the past. And what the enemy likes to do is he likes to come in, he likes to give us our own worth. And he likes to name us. He likes to nameless, a worthless, rebellious slut. porn addict. abuser, abused.

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He likes to say, this is who you are. And this is who you’re always be, where your trash. I’m not okay with it. Because I’m not trash. And you’re not trash. But the difference between God and Satan is that God gives us a price tag. He gave us his own son, so that we can have this price tag. Every every drop of Jesus’s blood is what we’re worth.

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And what Satan does is he like to put stuff on us. And I want to focus on that word put. Because God gives and Satan puts in it’s not us, it’s not our identity, right? Because it can’t stick. Because it’s not who we are.

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It will just fall like this. This is real fragile. Because it’s put on me actually to physical back there put this on me. Me Not saying he’s not saying guys, all right, but and so we have this this thing. Let’s let’s look at it as like a spectrum. Right? And so on one side of the spectrum, spectrum. Okay, is works. And the other side of the spectrum is sin. God if I just worked so hard if I show you know, my professor that I can do good that I can work hard got I’m gonna read your word. Oh my gosh, your word is so good. I mean every day every second, I’m not doing my homework because I got I’m reading your word. Look at me. Look it up. You’re speaking in front of these people can’t you see? And then you have this other thing called sin. If you only knew what I did last night, God, if you only knew what happened three years ago, where were you? God, you don’t want this. Not this. This is too ugly. You guys for sure. Don’t want to see this. Let me try to hide it. When we took it, some of it. It’s still there. It’s still put on me. And so we have the spectrum that we can’t we can’t get out of it. It’s kind of like, I want to compare this to, to a relationship with a earthly father. See, God loves us no matter what we do. I’ve relationship with my dad. It’s not probably the best relationship. I’d say it’s a distant one. There could be still some issues there. But when I could talk about that right now. And though there’s a lot of insecurity in that relationship, and maybe even some bitterness on my part. He’s my dad. He’ll always be my dad. No matter what. I can’t run from that. I can’t hide that. I can’t be like, I probably can convince somebody else that someone else is my dad. still awkward. But he’s my dad. And there’s nothing I can do. That was able to separate that. There could be distance he could leave. Like he has. He could never speak to me again. I can never speak to him again. But does that make him not my dad? Now

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just like God, I cannot talk to him. We cannot read my word. Maybe angry with him. I’ve been there. But he’s still my father. He’s still my Abba, Baba, father. Someone who I can go to, in my deepest pits income to and be like, Look, we gotta have this conversation. Because I don’t know what to do. I’m stuck in his mud is too thick for me to get at. Get out of. I don’t know how to take this off. But God, you’re good. And I know that you love me. JOHN, can you go to the next slide? read this verse in Romans. It says, Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? It’s question mark there shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine, or nakedness or danger or sword? No. In all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels or demons, neither the present or the future, or any power, neither height or death, depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God. That is in Christ Jesus our Lord. That verse is so comforting. Because even though I have this feeling that like God, I’m worthless, don’t you see on trash that you still like, I still love you. And I run from him. Or I have a bad day. And I’m like, I’m not going to talk to you today because I just can’t. I don’t even know what to say. I don’t even know how to form my words and my thoughts into a sentence and so I run but I can’t separate myself from God, because he’s my father. Just like my, my earthly father, that relationship can never, he can never not be my dad, just like God can never not be your father. Whether you believe in Him, whether you don’t. He’s your, he’s your father, he created you. And He created you with the purpose. You know, some of us in this room have issues with pornography. Some of us hurt ourselves with pain, over eating, not eating enough. Some of us were abused as a child, even recently, maybe you’re in an abusive relationship now. verbally, physically, although above. Some of us fight depression. From our schoolwork, we have a lot of stress weighing on us a lot and anxiety that causes some of us are worried about just a struggle. How are we going to do this? What’s going to happen? To me you guys could be seniors, or wondering how you’re going to pay for the next semester. We all have our own struggles. But I’m here to say that this is not you. It’s so tough for me to talk about this conversation about greatness. I was actually some of you guys know this. I was supposed to talk a few weeks ago, something came up and so I wasn’t able to be here. And I’d rather talk about fascination. Because I mean, like fascinations pretty, pretty cool. Like, I love a great adventure or something like that. What greatness I’m like, thank god don’t have to do that. Because I struggle with it. And I’m not gonna lie. I don’t feel like I’m worth anything. I feel at times I’m pathetic. Or I’m controlling. I’m emotional. I’m stressed, super stressed.

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I can’t even handle or carry the load that I have now. So God, how are you going to tell me that I’m worthy of even this position. But there’s truth that God gives us. God says that we are created in his work. midship. JOHN, can you go to the next slide? Ephesians 127, we are made in His image. I am a child of God, I’m his daughter. I’m his baby.

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His workmanship like I said, we are chosen God handpicked you to be here. He placed you I just hope it’s not a mistake. You cannot even believe that words are coming out of mouth you can care less. But I know for a fact you’re in this room for a reason. And I pray that that anything that I’m saying or the the worship, that this somehow can affect your life in some way. Whether it be tomorrow, whether it be five years from now. Another truth that God tells us in Romans is that we’re justified through faith, he justifies us. I don’t justify that. I don’t say oh yeah, like, I did that for a reason guide. And he’s like, I’m gonna justify you. I’m gonna cover that sin. And we’re accepted. Don’t you guys love like the moments where you like feel like I’m very out of place like Okay, I’m gonna give an example. I went to the Fiesta that we had the Latino’s nidos, right. Yeah club. Put that on. And I am. I’m half Canadian, and I’m half Mexican. But never was I in cultured into any of that. And so I’m like in this weird place like should I go? Should I not? Because I feel awkward like I can’t speak Spanish to you. I can somewhat understand sometimes I like try to be like Cool in say like, it’s a little words that I know. And so I’m like, yeah, you know, but I’m not. I can’t make a full sentence. But here my friends and my homies they except me Besides, and God does too. You don’t know his lingo, you don’t understand what he’s saying, but he’s like I’m gonna set you anyway shoe. You’re awesome. I want to be around you. And I love this next one Philippians one six. It says, He who began a good work in you will carry out into completion. And what completion looks like is this, where you don’t have to worry about this trash anymore. Because that’s not who you are. Not going to say that that’s tonight. I’m not going to even say that. That’s how I feel right now. But I am going to say that it’s going to be complete and I can rely on this truth right here, that God’s not going to give up on me. He’s not going to shame me. what he’s going to do is he’s he’s going to love me through it is going to be patient with me because he’s going to make me into his amazing workmanship. So guys, I just want to encourage you and tell you that no matter what you feel, no matter what you think you’re loved. You’re loved by us. We want to be the best for you. We want to be the best leaders for you. We want to serve you in many capacities whether that be praying for you speaking true to you coming up and giving you a hug, saying your name

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I think that’s it Yeah, it was spray. Gotta just think you I think you got for this time that we get to spend together for Monday nights where we can have a place that safe. Please, that we can come and hear your truth in worship you guide now having to feel shame, or judged. Father, just pray throughout the next semester or throughout this semester in the next hour that you help us understand our worth, day by day. God that you teach us Your goodness, and your grace, our purpose. We praise you in Jesus name I pray. Amen guys